I eat their candy.
The candy needs to be gone now.
Halloween is over.
I feel bad throwing candy in the garbage so instead I eat it.
Heath bars are my favorite.
The End.
After the kids are in bed
6
Slow your roll, granny
In this day and age, when everything has been reinvented and improved and then reinvented again, it’s a wonder when you find something that looks and feels exactly like it did 30+ years ago. Today my daughter went to a birthday party at a roller skating rink that seemingly had the same carpet, lights and nacho cheese that it had in 1980. I was immediately transported back to my youth. But this time I had bad knees, a sore back and mom jeans.
I survived without any major injuries, so I’m calling it a success.
Friday fun for everyone
I used to be better about sharing links to things I enjoyed around the internet on occasion. Today I’m going to resurrect that habit because I read some really great stuff this week. And yes, because then I don’t have to write anything myself. Everybody wins.
There are some fabulous writers who contribute to a series called This is Adolescence. This week I loved Bethany Meyer’s piece on the age 13, but then I tend to love everything she writes. Check out the other great pieces on ages 12 and 11.
This video hilariously captures the horrors of Daylight Saving (I can’t help it I desperately want to put the ‘s’ on here).
Vicki at Up Popped a Fox wrote this post about the unavoidable force that is Taylor Swift, which cracked me up.
Because then, soon after I read that post, this video of TSwift’s song “Shake it Off” set to an amazing 80’s dance video was all over the place. If you haven’t yet seen it, grab yourself a can of Tab and enjoy.
Throwback Thursday: Sisters are like best friends, but better
My sister is coming to town this weekend. To look at houses. Because she is moving here. Whoop whoop!
I have not lived in the same town as my sister since the summer of 1990 when I was in 9th grade and she was home from her freshman year of college. She was way too cool to hang out with me at the time. Maybe it was because I still had braces. Or maybe it was because I threatened to tell our mom when I caught her smoking weed at a concert. Just kidding, Mom! It was only a funny looking cigarette. (Full of pot drugs.)
We weren’t particularly close that summer but we did manage to overcome our differences and eventually grew closer once I went to college. I have been trying to get her to move to Seattle for the past 10 years and now it’s finally going to happen. I’m so giddy I can hardly wait.
A lot has changed in the 24 years since we last lived near one another, so we have some catching up to do. Things I plan to do with my sister when she lives here:
- Braid each other’s hair
- Have sleepovers
- Share clothes
- Watch movies
- Swap babysitting duties for date nights
- Go out on sister date nights
- Force our children to be lifelong best friends
- Bicker like old ladies
- Bake cookies
- Just kidding we are both terrible in the kitchen
- Go out to eat
It’s possible I may even start to dress like her again, as I loved to do when we were young. Here we are at Busch Gardens in the early 80’s with a very dewy woman in a fancy dress.
I distinctly remember that when my sister would emerge wearing that outfit, I would go back to my room and change into my matching ensemble. I don’t understand why she found me so annoying.
Deep thoughts about Halloween candy
6-year-old: “Why do they say the little one is the ‘fun size’? I think the big one is way more fun.”
Fair point, child. Fair point.
5 random things about me
I was tagged by Leigh Ann to write a post with 5 random facts about me. Let’s just say I am grateful for the prompt during my NaBloPoMo drought.
1. I come from meat. My dad worked in the meatpacking industry. He literally brought home the bacon. I grew up in a small Midwestern town where everyone we knew worked in meat. They sold it. Or bought it. Or produced it. It was the thing to do. I tried to order a ‘veggie burger’ off the menu at a restaurant in my hometown after college, and when it arrived it was a huge beef patty with lettuce and tomato on it – hence the ‘veggie burger’ label.
Now that I live in the land of clean eating and kale consumption I don’t often discuss my meat roots so as not to offend someone, but I am still a devout consumer of bacon.
2. I like to eat cheese? Also I’m a procrastinator. I’m a procrastinating cheese eater.
3. I probably won’t do NaBloPoMo again next year.
4. When I was a senior in college I studied abroad in Southeast Asia. I spent three months living with a fabulously quirky host family in Thailand where my host father would routinely grill me with questions about American pop culture. My favorite: “Who’s more popular – Arnold Schwarzeneggar or Sylvester Stallone?” It was my honor to inform them about the movies, music and celebrities that entertained our great nation in the early 90’s, and I took that responsibility very seriously. There could not have been a more perfect host family for me.
5. I have cousins named Olaf, Solveig and Thor. I always feel like this one gives me street cred when I’m explaining my Norwegian heritage.
I tag anyone else who is desperate for NaBloPoMo fodder to use this prompt and crank out a post.
This sign was on a toilet
Maybe some lessons, like the fact that you shouldn’t drink toilet water, should just be learned the hard way?
Day 3 of NaBloPoMo and I have resorted to posting toilet photos. It’s going to be a long month.
What to do when your husband hates your haircut
This may come as a shock, but my posts don’t tend to have a long shelf life. People don’t stumble on my blog because they are searching for useful info about trash grabbing or baby dolls wearing ski masks (even though THEY SHOULD). But there is one post that has drawn readers and comments well beyond its published date – last summer’s post about my unforgivable haircut.
This post, which documents how my husband and daughter both endured tremendous emotional damage when I dared to cut my hair shorter, is the most frequently read post on my blog. I don’t usually look at my site stats because I’m lazy and ignorant, but over the summer I got a few new comments on that post so I decided to look into it. Turns out that 99% of the time someone finds my blog when they Google something, it’s related to short haircut trauma.
Granted, we’re not talking about thousands of people here. Don’t be absurd. But in the past month alone, search terms for my blog included:
- My boyfriend hates my haircut
- My husband hates when I cut my hair short
- I cut my hair and my family hates it
- Hair is as short as my husbands
- My husband hates my haircut
- My husband wants a feminine haircut [this one is a different issue entirely, but I think it warrants recognition and a moment of silence for this woman]
I had no idea that short haircuts were causing so much controversy! I feel bad when I see comments from women who say their husbands won’t kiss them, or they are sleeping in a guest room, because of a haircut. A haircut! If my blog is going to show up when these women are feeling rejected and in need of support, then by golly I feel obligated to provide some words of encouragement.
So I made a few ecards. If you are reading this post because your husband or partner hates your stylish, fashion-forward new short haircut, please feel free to send him any one of these cards. Then give yourself a high-five for your hair bravery and take yourself out on a lady date.
I may have gone too far with that last one.
Stay strong, ladies. I’m off to get another trim.
National Do Not Judge My Writing Month
In my last post I warned that I tend to make bad decisions this time of year. In keeping with that tradition, I will once again attempt to post every day this month for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). Considering the fact that I have been blogging once every 2-3 weeks lately, this is going to hurt.
Then why bother? Because I need a challenge and I like to make a fool of myself, apparently. I am also giving into peer pressure. Last year I signed up thanks to the encouragement of a friend who did NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I wrote 30 mediocre posts about things like my dry hands and puzzles. Meanwhile she managed to write an entire sci-fi novel, which she was selling on Amazon by March.
Overachiever.
She gave me a gentle nudge again this year and informed me that she will be using this month to write another novel. So! I shall use it as an opportunity to update the internet about the status of my dry hand condition.
If you have complaints about my posts this month, please send them all to her. And feel free to just come back in December when the pain is over.
The opposite of a sexy Halloween costume
It’s that time of year! When the weather changes, the holidays are in the air, and I begin to make a series of questionable decisions. Yes, the two months between October 31 and December 31 tend to offer unlimited opportunities for me to demonstrate my poor judgment.
Case in point: This is Pat. He/she speed walks around the local mall every morning from 7-8 am while listening to REO Speedwagon on his/her Sony Walkman.
I wore this costume to my office on Halloween a few years ago. It was a last minute idea – shocking, I know. If I had had the time to realize that I was about to enter a professional environment wearing a sweatsuit from the Goodwill and oversized men’s velcro tennis shoes, I may have reconsidered (but probably not).
When it comes to office Halloween parties, there are two kinds of people in this world: A) Those who wear normal work attire all day and put their costumes on right before the party begins around 4:00, and B) Those who wear their costumes all day long.
I think members of Group A should be fired.
I wore this velour track suit all. damn. day. I had a rash around my waist from that fanny pack and an indentation on my forehead from the wig. I also stayed in character and speed-walked to all of my meetings. Excuse me, please. Out of my way. ON YOUR LEFT.
If you need a last minute costume idea, I highly recommend the Mall Walker (capitalized to add an appropriate level of distinction). It’s comfortable, affordable, and a great workout.
I may have lost the respect of my coworkers that day, but I won a prize in the costume contest. And if you know me well, you know that’s all that matters.
Banana Wheels 