My unforgivable haircut

I got a haircut on Saturday. I went to a new guy. Here’s how it went.

“Do you think I can pull off the Anne Hathaway pixie look?” I ask. “No,” he replies. “I hate you but I appreciate your honesty,” I think to myself.

I share my desire to go short, despite the limitations of my thick, frizzy, wavy, hair. He assures me that it’s possible if he stops at the chin. “Let’s do this,” I say. I want to give him a high-five, but I hold back.

I immerse myself in an issue of People Magazine. Hot damn it feels good to be free of my parenting responsibilities, even if just for 40 minutes.

When I’m done, I text my husband to come get me. I’m feeling spunky and rejuvenated with my new shorter ‘do. No hesitations whatsoever. Hey world – look at me!

I sit outside to wait for my ride. Five minutes later my husband pulls up. He takes one look at me, then floors it and speeds away down the street without me.

I know he’s joking and I laugh, but I also know he is genuinely shocked. Little do I know that this haircut is about to send my family into an emotional tailspin.

The moment I open the car door, my 5-year-old screams, “I HATE YOUR HAIR! WHY DID YOU CUT IT SO SHORT?!” She then starts to cry and throw a fit.

My husband doesn’t fare much better. He glances at me briefly with his eyes open wide, but the rest of the ride he is unable to look at me. It’s clear that he is intentionally avoiding any eye-to-hair contact.

When I try to engage, he tells me that he “isn’t ready” to look at my hair. He claims that I “didn’t really prepare” them for the change. He then puts his hand over his heart and says he is feeling pain “right here,” and then I hear him say in a hushed voice, “Your hair was my favorite thing about you.” He is using humor in an attempt to mask his disappointment, but it’s not really working.

We go to the grocery store. My husband, still unable to make eye contact, requests that we divide the shopping list and split up, which will also give him time “to process” the reality of my hair. Sure, dear – whatever you need.

My daughter protests and whines the entire time. In every aisle she moans, “WHY did you cut it so short?! WHEN will it grow back???” She tries to get me to buy her popsicles as compensation for the pain I’ve caused. I do not comply.

As I am unloading the groceries at home, she comes around the corner and asks, “Did your hair grow back yet??” She is truly disappointed that it hasn’t. She sulks into the corner and whimpers like an injured animal.

After a lunch filled with awkward glances from my husband and more disparaging words from my daughter, I seek refuge in the only comforting place I can find – the arms of my non-verbal, non-judgmental toddler. She smiles and hugs me, so I shower her with extra kisses and whisper in her ear, “I love you the most today.”

I then take my older daughter to see a play being put on by the local elementary school. They are performing the musical “Annie.” The tone-deaf, out-of-key voices are a welcome reprieve from the wail of my child’s complaints. I look at the young girl playing Annie, with her Richard Simmons-like wig, and wonder, Is that what I look like? Is this some kind of metaphor?

Later that evening the signs of my family’s PTSD appear to be waning. My husband says he has some complimentary things to say about my hair, but then he gets distracted and never says them. My daughter informs me that she is “starting to like” my haircut. “Well, actually,” she then backtracks. “I don’t really like it, but I don’t totally hate it either.”

You are so good to me, family. What have I done to deserve such love and adoration.

As I prepare myself for bed, I fear the wrath that may come in the morning when my daughter sees my new bedhead, which I can already tell is going to be…puffy…and short.

It then occurs to me that convicted murderer Jodi Arias likely has more support from her family than I do for committing the heinous crime known as A Haircut. Don’t ever cut your hair, Jodi Arias. If that jury is anything like my family, they’ll sentence you to death for it.

Here is a drawing my daughter made of my haircut. I do not wear bows in my hair, but I imagine she added it in a desperate attempt to make me look more feminine.

Momshair

I felt this drawing was a tad extreme – it’s not THAT short – so I requested another. She then made this one, in which it appears she has given me a case of pink eye – probably to punish me.

DrawingPadApp

Little does she know that if she doesn’t stop complaining, I am going to return to that hairdresser and request the Anne Hathaway just to spite her.

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32 thoughts on “My unforgivable haircut

  1. Ahhhh, very good!! I can really feel your husband and daughter’s pain, you pulled the same thing on me our sophmore year in college, I know I don’t need to remind you of the mushroom cut! I think we all need to see a photo of this new cut!

  2. No way! It can’t be that bad! I chopped all of my hair off last year and it was so refreshing. But in hindsight, I don’t think it looked that great on me. I have curly hair too, and the bob cut gave me kind of a flat headed baby look. I maintained it for a few months then let it grow out. Show us a pic. I’m sure you look fabulous.

  3. Yikes! Our eldest wouldn’t come near me for about a week when I first got glasses…even after I took them off again. He was nine months old at the time, and clearly my audacity to want to see properly did not fit with his paradigm. Bugger them, Wine?

  4. How long was your hair then? Before the cut? Was it really that big of a change?
    Hah and the part that made my day: “he “isn’t ready” to look at my hair. He claims that I “didn’t really prepare” them for the change”. I think I could fall in love with your husband! 😉

    • You can have him! 😉 Six inches cut off maybe? It was a good size change. I used to wear it in a pony tail a lot and now I can’t. Maybe I’ll stage a ceremonial burning of my hair ties to help cleanse the air.

      • Almost 16cm then (I am still not used to these inches, pounds, stones and whatever). Fingers crossed your family recovers soon then! 🙂

  5. Damn. Your family is mean. You should sing the song my cousin sings to her husband: “You’re so mean to me. Really mean to me. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, you’re so mean to me.”

    Congratulations on your great new haircut. I’m glad it has added a spring to your step and a smile to your every look in the mirror. Yay for your haircut!

    • Thank you! I’m going to hire you as my hair cheerleader. Generally my family is pretty nice (well, the 5-year-old has her moments lately). I guess they were just really attached to my hair. Who knew.

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  9. Did he ever like it? I just cut mine off (the Anne Hathaway as you put it) and he hates it. He told me it’s the thing he was really attracted to about my looks. I feel sort of sick about it all.

    • Oh no!! Yes my husband likes it now. He was just in shock and slow to adjust. I bet the shock and awe phase of an Anne H cut might be even more severe. But that style is SO cute and I’m sure you rock it!

    • I did the pixie about a month and a half ago. Night before last my husband tells me that being intimate with me is like kissing a boy. Basically all sexual attraction is gone. He’s been sleeping in the guest room he past two nights.

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  12. I enjoyed reading this. I googled “my husband hates my haircut” and found your post. I have a pixie and I LOVE IT and he hates it. My hair was already short…it’s only been as long as my collarbone for a few years of my life, and has been short for a long time. But this pixie has pissed him off! It’s been 10 months and he’s still mad, so I guess he’s not going to get over it. 😦

    • I googled “my husband hates my haircut” as well.. this post came up.. I’m in the same boat.. 10 months.. wow, hope it doesn’t take that long for us. I had short hair for years.. just happened to grow it to a bob when I met my husband (we’ve been married for 5 years).. I’ve been wanting to cut it for the past 4 years, but have been scared to because I knew he wouldn’t be happy.. I didn’t know he would be this pissed though.. it’s been a week and he hasn’t not kissed me, not once. 😦 I cut it because I have a 10 month old that I am chasing after, and with summer coming.. the last thing I want to deal with is hot hair.. it was finally the last straw. I hope he comes around.. I don’t know what to do because we have always had the best relationship.. and I’m so sad that he is acting like this over HAIR. there are so many other things in the world.. its freggin hair!

  13. Gals, if you have a guy who is massively turned on by long hair, please don’t cut it. Sexual attraction doesn’t make rational sense, so unless you really must cut it short, don’t. Yes, we feel like fools b/c it is only hair, but it is very upsetting to have to adjust to a loss of passion toward the physical attributes of the one you love.

    • I disagree. A woman should be able to do whatever hair she wants and her man should love her regardless. If your man can’t find you attractive because you got a pixie, he isnt worth it

      • Men do not have to pretend they like a short haircut on their wives. It doesn’t mean that we don’t still love her, but long hair drives some of us crazy. It’s so dang beautiful! We have a right to our own feelings, y’know.

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  15. LOL I have the same problem with my wife , but in my case she never gets it cut short enough , I love when she comes home with a crew cut and shaved nape . Geeez your family rteally needs to take a reality check , after all it is your hair

  16. I cut my hair 10 days ago. It was a huge change because it went from just past the middle of my back to pixie basically. I love it, my kids love it. My husband does not love it. He would never say it but I know he is very disapponted. I just don’t think I was ready for how disappointed he really is. It’s like he sees me in a totally different way, and not a way he is attracted to. He has barely kissed me since the cut. He doesn’t want to snuggle like before. Maybe I’m just being paranoid but the atmosphere bewteen us feels very tense to me. The funny thing is I have gained over 30 lbs since I met him, I had 3 kids with him and my body has changed…a lot. He says he love my body and that I look better now than I did when we met. I think if I had become disfigured it would have affected him less. Hair is NOT supposed to put this kind of tension in a relationship! I don’t know what to do, it’s not going to come back overnight!

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