It’s that time of year! When the weather changes, the holidays are in the air, and I begin to make a series of questionable decisions. Yes, the two months between October 31 and December 31 tend to offer unlimited opportunities for me to demonstrate my poor judgment.
Case in point: This is Pat. He/she speed walks around the local mall every morning from 7-8 am while listening to REO Speedwagon on his/her Sony Walkman.
I wore this costume to my office on Halloween a few years ago. It was a last minute idea – shocking, I know. If I had had the time to realize that I was about to enter a professional environment wearing a sweatsuit from the Goodwill and oversized men’s velcro tennis shoes, I may have reconsidered (but probably not).
When it comes to office Halloween parties, there are two kinds of people in this world: A) Those who wear normal work attire all day and put their costumes on right before the party begins around 4:00, and B) Those who wear their costumes all day long.
I think members of Group A should be fired.
I wore this velour track suit all. damn. day. I had a rash around my waist from that fanny pack and an indentation on my forehead from the wig. I also stayed in character and speed-walked to all of my meetings. Excuse me, please. Out of my way. ON YOUR LEFT.
If you need a last minute costume idea, I highly recommend the Mall Walker (capitalized to add an appropriate level of distinction). It’s comfortable, affordable, and a great workout.
I may have lost the respect of my coworkers that day, but I won a prize in the costume contest. And if you know me well, you know that’s all that matters.