Parenting from the bleachers

It’s the weekend! Time to watch my daughter’s basketball game.

I am a chill parent spectator. I clap when appropriate. I cheer politely when points are scored.

I celebrate the effort, not the outcome.

These days there are too many parents screaming from the sidelines. Do they realize these are just kids? I mean, Come on, Gary – this isn’t the Final Four.

True, the games are much more entertaining now that she’s in middle school. Faster pace. Bigger players. So much action! But it’s our job to show these kids that win or lose, we can stay calm and composed. It’s just a game, after all.

Oh hooray! A three-pointer! That definitely deserves applause. Clap, clap, clap.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Oh no. It was only a matter of time. SOMEone is getting a bit too excited in the parent section. Chill out, woman! You’re making us look bad.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

What is she even yelling about anyway? Does she realize they are losing?

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

For the love. Her only cheer seems to be, “LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Every time they score – “LET’S GO, WHITE!”

If they need defense – “LET’S GO, WHITE!”

If they are running in any direction whatsoever – “LET’S GO, WHITE!”

She is the loudest, least creative cheerleader I’ve ever heard. I feel bad for her child. She has GOT to be embarrassed by this display.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

She shrieks like a siren every time they score. I think other parents are getting annoyed by her. I also think she doesn’t totally understand the game.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Control yourself, woman, before someone asks you to leave.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Damnit that one was loud.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Did my husband just inch away from me?

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Why is my younger daughter covering her ears?

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

Did I forget to put on deodorant? Why am I so sweaty? Can you see my heart pounding through my shirt? Because it feels like I’m having some kind of heart attack and maybe I peed my pants a little? Also my throat is sore but I still can’t stop myself – the words just. keep. coming. out.

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

I don’t understand why all the other parents are so quiet. Are they sedated? Are they even watching the same game?? These girls are battling it out and they need some encouragement! It is our parental duty to CHEER THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE GAME AND CELEBRATE THEIR GRIT!!

“LET’S GO, WHITE!”

I need a nap. And a shower. Maybe a valium.

Me and my pit stains after each game, every weekend

1 thought on “Parenting from the bleachers

  1. We had a volleyball mom who always yelled out “Joplin strong!” as her cheer. Like, what the hell does that even mean? I miss some things about those days. This isn’t one of those things.

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