NaBloPoMo Writing, NaBloPoMo Problems

I need to issue a disclaimer that I signed up to do NaBloPoMo, which in case either of my two readers is unaware, is National Blog Posting Month. It means I’ll be posting something every day. I know – I’m just as worried as you are.

I did this at the urging of a friend of mine who is doing NaNoWriMo, the novel writing counterpart. So while she is busy writing a 50,000 word science fiction novel, I’ll be over here writing 200 word posts about things like ants, bunions and barnacles. I cannot be held responsible for the quality of my posts, and if you want to just skip this month and come back in December, I won’t blame you.

I’m doing this in part to help with what I have previously referred to as my relatively chronic case of blogstipation. I often struggle to put the words in the computer, deeming them too unfit for public consumption. But at some point you just need to let it out, knowing that only 2-7% may be worth reading. NaBloPoMo shall be my blogging laxative. In which case, I apologize in advance for what is sure to be at times an unsightly case of bloggerrhea. (fact: diarrhea is one of the most difficult words for me to spell correctly on the first try) (extra and unnecessary fact: apparently I write about diarrhea a lot?)

I am also doing this as part of a larger ‘just do it and move on’ effort. There are too many things on my list that I am overthinking or procrastinating or avoiding. I tend to get more done and be more productive when I have more on my plate, so we’ll see if this daily writing commitment can motivate me elsewhere. However I just used 15 minutes of free time to take a nap on the couch, so I think I’m in trouble.

I signed up late and missed the first couple days, and then of course yesterday’s post dated itself as the 6th instead of the 5th (a downfall of being a last-minute writer in the Pacific time zone), so I am already bringing my standard train wreck flair to this endeavor. Should be fun. This totally counts as a full post.

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Ant you gonna blog anymore?

I still can’t write. My words don’t work. This makes blogging rather difficult. But I’m going to commit to writing at least 5 posts over the next week to help unclog my brain a bit. I need to think less and do more on a few fronts in my life, so I’m going to kickstart the momentum here.

Consider this your warning. It could get ugly over here at casa de Banana Wheels. Let the games begin.

We have ants.

Ants? Is she seriously going to write about ants?

For the past several weeks I’ve been trying to kill them on an individual basis. Every time I see one, or ten, I grab a paper towel, squish them to bits, and raise my fists in triumph.

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Then I look down and see 15 more scurry across the floor.

Needless to say I am losing this battle. I am also wasting a shitload of paper towels. And you know I can’t afford to do that. I was trying to avoid going the route of spraying the house with toxic chemicals, but at this point I see no other way.

Do you want to hear more about my ant problem? No? Great, let me tell you.

Ant traps no longer work. Last night I watched multiple ants saunter right past a trap without giving it a glance. I suppose those wily bastards figured it out pretty quickly when their friends started dying at the dinner table.

They also aren’t deterred by cinnamon or vinegar. Thanks for nothing, Google.

But the nail in my ant-killing coffin is my toddler. She is a precious, but disgusting, sticky ant magnet, tracking bits of food everywhere she goes. The other morning I woke to find a cluster of ants under her high chair, knawing on the remains of who knows what. Rice? Peaches? It was like Lord of the Flies under there. I even found an ant in her hair one day. Holy shudder.

So alas I will green light my husband to take the nuclear approach (in moderation and with proper gas mask/hazmat suits/evacuation protocols) before I find these little soulsuckers in my cereal, or my child’s crib.

And because honestly, I’m worried I might be getting too comfortable with my new friends. The other night I found myself sitting on the floor of the living room, drinking a beer, watching the ants. I wasn’t even trying to kill them. I was just observing their traffic patterns.

I sat there so long, I’m pretty sure they no longer fear me. They are getting defiant – I swear I saw one of them give me the finger – and I worry they will wage an assault on the kitchen. Specifically, my secret candy stash.

ant

Tick tock, antholes. Your number’s almost up.