Sew what have you been up to?

HELP. My mother-in-law is coming to visit on Friday. It just occurred to me that I have not sewn anything – NOT. ONE. THING. – since my initial success with doll pants and a tiny toy bin. I can’t even remember how to thread my bobbin. (Is it just me, or do I sound kind of macho when I talk about my bobbin?)

At a minimum, I’ll dust off that $400 sewing machine she bought me so it doesn’t look quite so neglected. But I know she’ll want to see other signs of progress. I’m thinking I can throw a few fabric scraps on the floor, wear a measuring tape around my neck, and tell her I’m working on something “really big.”  I’ll also randomly measure everyone’s inseam because I specialize in awkward and overkill. Should be a great week.

That’s right, WEEK. Not a weekend. Not even a long weekend. No, no. We’re talking about an extended week here, people. The in-laws are flying right by the sacred one-week mark and staying two more days beyond that. Because why the hell not? So I’ve got 9 days of lies ahead of me. NINE DAYS.

I can’t really be held responsible for my actions during that amount of time. I can generally keep it together and make conversation for 4, 5, or even 6 days. But 9? What more is there to say? How many times can we talk about the garden or the weather? At some point we will HAVE to discuss my sewing.

I’m worried that in a moment of desperation, I’ll break down and show her Creepy Baby. “Hey, look what I made! It’s a ski mask that I cut out of a sock and put on a doll and then I take pictures of it and write about it on the internet and I need therapy.”

Poor Baby

My best friend meets my worst enemy

She’ll probably try to have me committed. Rightfully so. Rightfully sew.

15 thoughts on “Sew what have you been up to?

  1. OMG that ski mask, that IS AWESOME.
    I can’t sew. I really wish I could. I want to learn to thread a bobbin.
    And the long in-law visit? You have my sympathies. Escape to Facebook whenever possible and say you’re “doing work”. Good luck!

  2. This is positively hilarious! The doll in the fruit is killing me (not literally, but I do not believe that it might be possessed and using a knife possible. What?) My mother-in-law sews so well she doesn’t need a pattern. I am not crafty. My oldest daughter has an affinity for sewing. GO BOND WITH YOUR GRANDMAMA WHILE I PLAY RUZZLE.

  3. 9 days is a lot…phew! I say break out the sewing machine on day one and get your MIL to show you how to make dresses and then just get her to make all the dresses. Teach your daughters to beg for dresses. You can’t talk over the hum of the machine so you’ll have time to come up with new topics to talk about over dinner. Creepy baby can be your dress making sweat shop manager.

  4. Hilarious. Freakin’ hilarious. 9 days is a long time. There is an old saying “fish and guests start to smell after 2 days”. Not sure if that’s the way it goes. Good luck. Hey! Make some little pouches to hold fish!

  5. Lol!!! This creepy baby doll picture is the best ever! Death by sewing machine? I don’t know but I get a weird kick out of inappropriate things, I might watch too much horror tv.

  6. Pingback: I always feel like somebody’s watching me | Banana Wheels

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