Nap attack

As mentioned, my husband and I were avid nappers before we had kids.

When we got married, the pastor had us each complete a questionnaire about ourselves. We both indicated a deep passion for super important things like family, loyalty to one another – oh, and napping. This apparently stood out to her – perhaps because she’d never before seen two 30-year-olds so openly and enthusiastically profess their love of laziness – so she mentioned it in the ceremony as evidence of our compatibility.

This is how you find a soulmate, people.

But for obvious reasons naps are hard to come by these days. On the rare occasion when I do make an effort, something always goes awry – the 4-year-old barges in, my husband blows his nose (so loud you can’t imagine), every noise-making toy in the house gets used at once. The disappointment is not worth the energy.

Somehow my husband still manages to squeeze them in. In part because he can nap anywhere. Cars, planes, the floor, the yard.

Daddy is done

The Napping King in action (granted he earned this one after building a swingset, but the point is – location matters not)

I’ve caught on to a few of his favorite tactics over the years. He always hands me the keys when we’re driving anywhere further than 5 minutes. By minute 6 he has his eyes closed, head propped up in his hand, mouth slightly agape.

If my daughter gets to watch TV, rest assured my husband is the one who offers to “supervise” this activity. Honk shoo on the couch commences immediately thereafter.

But one of his best moves is the sneak attack. He will just up and disappear from a room with no mention of his intention. He quietly slips away, usually to our bedroom, tucks himself in, and steals a nap.

He has pulled this one off in a variety of settings, but the worst was when his parents were visiting. He just wandered out of the room in the midst of a conversation and left me to entertain them. This was before we had kids to distract everyone and keep meddling visiting grandparents busy.

After a while I finally left the room to look for him, worried he may have injured himself in the basement. Or more likely, gotten stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper.

When I discovered him sleeping soundly, I gazed lovingly at his peaceful face, and whispered softly in his ear, “WAKE. THE F*CK. UP.” That was the incident that tipped me off to his stealthy nap strategy.

So last weekend I was quite pleased with myself when I flipped the tables on him.

I was mega tired after night #153 of poor sleep. So after breakfast, when the baby was napping, and my husband and daughter were finishing breakfast, I quietly walked out of the kitchen, climbed back into bed, and TOOK THE LONGEST UNINTERRUPTED NAP THAT I HAVE TAKEN SINCE HAVING KIDS.

Genius. Epic. So so gratifying.

Now that I’ve tasted nap success, moving forward it will be a battle to see who sneaks away the quickest. May the best mom win.


On Napping: I found this post on Crappy Pictures to be very relatable, and funny, about the struggle for a decent nap.

4 thoughts on “Nap attack

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