Not just any mall, A Mall for America

Alas my holidays weren’t all headaches and gloom. I had quality time with family, friends, and a trip to the theme park at Minnesota’s prestigious Mall of America. Because everyone knows that the best place to go when you have a headache is the largest, most over-crowded mall during the holiday break. My decision-making skills are impeccable.

But the malltropolis served its purpose – a cabin fever break for my daughter, niece and nephew, who had fun on the rides. Meanwhile I struggled to entertain and contain my antsy 2-year-old, so I opted to rent a stroller. Because everyone knows that the best way to avoid germs during cold and flu season is to use a communal stroller.

Lowlight of the megamall experience: I had to leave the American Girl store because it smelled like feet. Talk about a national tragedy. People travel hundreds of miles and pay hundreds of dollars for those fancy dolls, only to find a store that reeks of feet. Fortunately I am not one of those people – my daughter only has a Target knock-off version – so I found it rather amusing. I’m not kidding – the air in that store was so ripe I could practically taste it. Was it human feet, or do the dolls actually have a foot fungus problem? Regardless, this might be where my headache originated. Lawsuit!

Highlight of the mall experience: As I waited for the kids to get off a ride, I found myself sitting across from none other than Dr. Kerry Weaver from the show ER. And because apparently I am a crazy stalker, I took her picture (in my defense, I didn’t take her photo the first or the second time I saw her. Only the third time, when overcome by boredom and paparazzo insanity). She’s not wearing her scrubs, but she’s the one on the left checking her phone.

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I would’ve introduced myself, but I didn’t want to interrupt in case she was texting Dr. Carter or Dr. Kovac about an urgent patient case. However had I known my blossoming headache was going to explode, I would’ve asked her for a diagnosis STAT.

In summary, do NOT go to the Mall of America if you have an aversion to crowds, germs or the pungent aroma of feet. DO go to the Mall of America if you would like Emmy-winning medical care from the cast of ER.

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10 thoughts on “Not just any mall, A Mall for America

  1. I hate the mall. I’m pretty sure the Mall of America would be my nightmare. What’s Dr Weaver up to these days? Was she yelling at her friends like she did all the other doctors?

  2. That whole whole foot odor thing in the doll store just confirms my suspicions that those American Girl dolls are overpriced and have bad hygiene. That mall needs a creepy baby store STAT to stab the foot bacteria in the middle of the foot bacteria (I was not premed, obviously).

    I can’t believe you spent the holidays rubbing elbows with famous people. The only famous person I got to meet was Lalaloopsy and I was not exactly impressed. I mean, she has buttons for eyes and never played a doctor on TV.

    • Next time I go there I’m going to leave a Creepy Baby on the shelf in the American Girl store just to scare the salespeople. Do you know they have a hair salon in those stores? For the dolls? So there are real people who style doll hair for a living? I am still flabbergasted by this. I’ll probably write another post about it because I have low standards for post content.

      Never trust a doll with button eyes.

  3. I have a couple of points here I need to address:
    First, I have been to this mall and seen these rides. Isn’t there a Snoopy thing?
    Second, I hate feet in general. A store scented with feet would probably make me vomit and I’m sorry that you had a headache. But yes- you are a bit silly choosing to go there of all places!
    Third, I too have had a celebrity run-in with Dr. Weaver. I was working one summer in Brainerd (actually Lake Shore) at a tiny family owned resort as a server. She came to stay as a guest for a week and all week long I was mystified. This was my first celeb sighting. Alas, this was in a world before cell phones as we know them today (date myself much?) and I have no photographic proof. You will just have to take my word for it.

    • I think Snoopy was ousted in favor of a Nickelodeon theme. It sounds like Dr. Weaver is the primo celebrity of Minnesota. Other than Prince, of course. Also – I too once worked at a family resort in northern MN as a server. Small world!

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