Alas my holidays weren’t all headaches and gloom. I had quality time with family, friends, and a trip to the theme park at Minnesota’s prestigious Mall of America. Because everyone knows that the best place to go when you have a headache is the largest, most over-crowded mall during the holiday break. My decision-making skills are impeccable.
But the malltropolis served its purpose – a cabin fever break for my daughter, niece and nephew, who had fun on the rides. Meanwhile I struggled to entertain and contain my antsy 2-year-old, so I opted to rent a stroller. Because everyone knows that the best way to avoid germs during cold and flu season is to use a communal stroller.
Lowlight of the megamall experience: I had to leave the American Girl store because it smelled like feet. Talk about a national tragedy. People travel hundreds of miles and pay hundreds of dollars for those fancy dolls, only to find a store that reeks of feet. Fortunately I am not one of those people – my daughter only has a Target knock-off version – so I found it rather amusing. I’m not kidding – the air in that store was so ripe I could practically taste it. Was it human feet, or do the dolls actually have a foot fungus problem? Regardless, this might be where my headache originated. Lawsuit!
Highlight of the mall experience: As I waited for the kids to get off a ride, I found myself sitting across from none other than Dr. Kerry Weaver from the show ER. And because apparently I am a crazy stalker, I took her picture (in my defense, I didn’t take her photo the first or the second time I saw her. Only the third time, when overcome by boredom and paparazzo insanity). She’s not wearing her scrubs, but she’s the one on the left checking her phone.
I would’ve introduced myself, but I didn’t want to interrupt in case she was texting Dr. Carter or Dr. Kovac about an urgent patient case. However had I known my blossoming headache was going to explode, I would’ve asked her for a diagnosis STAT.
In summary, do NOT go to the Mall of America if you have an aversion to crowds, germs or the pungent aroma of feet. DO go to the Mall of America if you would like Emmy-winning medical care from the cast of ER.