I started this post yesterday, and it had a very different tone. But today, for the first time in two weeks, I woke up without a headache. HALLELUJAH LET THE SUN SHINE IN. I won’t bore you with the details, but the aforementioned headache was the plague of my holiday season. It lasted all day, every day, and resulted in a trip to the ER, a CT scan, many Vicodin, a shot in the butt with mega ibuprofen, and prescription muscle relaxers. Nothing really worked completely, so I’ve just been living each day trying not to OD.
Part of my anxiety about this headache stemmed from the fact that I had a similar headache four years ago, which turned out to be the result of an arterial dissection in my neck. In case you’re not familiar, which I wasn’t, a dissection is basically a tear in your artery which can lead to a stroke or worse. It sucks and I don’t recommend it.
Fortunately this time around the CT scan did not show a dissection, but unfortunately none of my drugs were alleviating the pain for long. So I have been a grumpy cat (ME-OW) for the past two weeks, assuming I was on the verge of death (I blame WebMD and Google for this part).
Then last night I let a strange man caress my body in the form of a professional massage. I’m not a huge fan of strangers touching my nekkid skin, plus I think a neck massage caused my last dissection – so I tend to steer clear. But I was desperate and I knew my back and shoulders were a mess.
Turns out Mr. Wonderful might’ve had the midas touch. It felt great and I was only mildly uncomfortable with his groping hands rubbing me down. Seriously – aren’t massages kind of awkward, or is that just me? What if you get gassy on the table? Or what if your masseuse notices that you are wearing maternity underwear, even though you haven’t been pregnant for more than 2 years? All hypothetical, of course.
Anyhoo, today is a new day and, knock on wood, Mama might be back in business. Just in time, because tomorrow I turn 39 and I do not want that headache to stain the final year of what has otherwise been a pretty fabulous decade. I’d like to finish strong before it all comes crashing down when I turn 40.
One thing is for sure – if this headache is in fact gone, I will be paying strange men to touch me A LOT this year. And in the interest of continued pampering for my aging self, I got a facial tonight, and on Friday I will indulge in the Grand Poobah – A Haircut. Nothing like a good trim to put the spring back in my step. Bring it, 39. On second thought, don’t bring it. Just sit there and be uneventful and let me do all the bringing.
*Update: my headache returned after I wrote this post, but I still reserve the right to pay strange men to touch me this year.
Banana Wheels 
That is not a good way to wrap up 2013 or welcome the new year! So sorry you’ve felt awful for this long. Grumpy Cat would be an understatement for me if I were in the same position.
And yes, massages are weird, yet that doesn’t stop me. All spa-related stuff is bizarre if you think about it, therefore I encourage no thinking, just pampering. Exactly like the women on The Bachelor. Wait a minute… Okay, a little thinking may be in order.
Hoping you find the solution to your headache soon! And happy birthday!
Thank you! You are right – it’s best not to overthink the pampering, otherwise you find yourself in the middle of a facial and realize you are paying someone an obscene amount of money to wash your face. 😉
Sorry about your headache problems! Nothing makes me a grumpy(-ER) SAHM than a headache & yours sounds like the ultimate.
Had to comment about that massage. I enjoy a massage (bought cheaply on Groupon) several times per year; for no other reason than I like it. Went to a masseur last year & didn’t realize until he was about to work on my legs that I had not shaved for about 3 weeks. It did not cross my mind until that split second before the man was about to touch them. But, I used my old reliable mantra – he (or whatever professional) has seen someone more hideous than me. The doctor/masseur/etc. has worked on someone heavier, hairer, smellier, whatever-er than me; so I’m good to go.
Thank you – that’s wise logic. I had the same thought about my unshaven armpits when the poor guy started working on my shoulders. Talk about a woolly mammoth.
1. I am sooooo sorry that you’ve had such a time with your headbone, and I am sending prayers and warm fuzzy thoughts your way.
2. No haircut without posting a picture.
I almost forgot! HAPPY BIRRRRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUU!!!
Thanks, friend! Maybe a haircut will be the cure. I’m overdue, so my neck might just be straining from the extra weight. One can hope.
Massages are VERY awkward. I do not like them. Except when the one time I got one, they spent time time massaging my scalp. I would pay someone to do that for HOURS.
I’m sorry about your head. I hope you get rid of it soon. No dissections, please.
Thanks! This one included a scalp massage. He even did my jaw, which is weird but it was still dreamy.
I am so very sorry about the scary pain! Pain is bad. Scary is bad. Together is very bad.
I have a Masters in English. Can you tell?
I agree that massages are super creepy, but sometimes you gotta go creepy to feel good. And hooboy! do massages feel good.
I’m glad you found some respite from the headache from hell. Hope the remainder of your 40th year is awesome. (Yes. If you’re 39 you’re in your 40th year. Once you turn 40 you’re in your 41st year. See how I just wished you well but aged you a year? Diabolical.)
My husband also likes to point out that whole 40th-year-even-though-you-are-only-39-thing so I’m used to it. Diabolical minds think alike. And thank you!