Hi. I’m Amy. I used to write here but then life happened and the world became a depressing toilet and I told myself I was creatively dead. But I tend to be overly dramatic sometimes, so I am also reminding myself that you can unclog a toilet with a little force and the right plunger.
I spent a lot of time thinking about what to write in this post and even I am surprised I went with that toilet thing.
I don’t know about anyone else, but the past year has not been my favorite. I’m not even talking just about politics. But if I were going to talk about politics, I would probably broach it with my usual level of sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Maybe like this.
Oh sweet mother. She still has that creepy doll and now she puts clothes on it.
The confusing thing about waking up to headlines that make you want to cry or build a bunker every morning is that you don’t know if you’re going through a mid-life crisis, or just suffering from 2017 Syndrome. Am I mess, or is the world a mess? Am I floundering in the same toilet bowl as everyone else, or is this just my personal toilet bowl? Where is all of this poop coming from?!?
So I am coping in the same way many others are doing, by overindulging in premature holiday décor, lights and music. Michael Buble all day. My tree is up and already shedding needles like it’s about to die a dry, fiery death. At this rate I may have to buy another tree by December 10th but honestly I think that might be a nice way to keep the momentum going. WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP THINGS CHEERY AND FESTIVE, CLARK.
I was going to write about some other non-toilety things, but having not written for more than a year, this 384 word post feels akin to a novel. This must be how Hemingway felt. I need to draw the shades, pour myself some bourbon and take a nap.
Before I retire to my sleeping parlor, allow me to share this drawing of Creepy Baby dressed as Mrs Claus serving a tray of gingerbread cookies fresh from the oven.
An artistic masterpiece circa 2017
You’re welcome, I’m sorry and Happy Holidays!! Wake me when it’s December.
Banana Wheels 
Made my day to see a post from you. Welcome back, Ernest.
Thank you!
#worththewait And 2017 Syndrome. I’m totally stealing that!
Maybe if we all start to use it, the medical community will take note and try to find a cure. Or prescribe us drugs. I’m open to either.
I’m so happy to see you back, even with 2017 Syndrome. I knew my coercing and prompts would have no effect on you. Although, if needed, I was going to appeal to your 80s pop culture sensibility by saying that “no one puts (Creepy) Baby in the corner” to see if that would draw you out, but luckily I didn’t have to. Although she looks like she could use a bit of sun and a Vitamin D supplement. Please know you are sharing the toilet with many friendly faces even if you can’t see them through all the poop. Hope to hear from you again soon!
And on a side note, I will leave you with this quote that Patrick shares with me every single Christmas, for some strange reason. Ellen Griswold: “It’s just that you build things up in your mind, Sparky. You set standards no family event can ever live up to.” Relax and enjoy! I’m breaking out my moose mugs this weekend!
Moose mugs sound fantastic. I agree it helps to find joy in the little things. I’m wearing red monkey socks today. Miss you!
Your post made me so happy to see this morning, and as you can see from the above comments we’re all feeling a bit of the same. I’m facing the fact that we’re gonna plunge back into the US madness fairly soon and am trying to decide if that’s a suicidal plunge- OR we’re gonna be witness to the greatness of America coming to its senses. It could be great! Or….
How exciting! I hope. We’ll try to clean this place up before you get here.
Oh my shit I am so damn glad to see you back.
DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN. I AM VULNERABLE.
Mwah! The feeling is mutual. Cheers to codependent online relationships.
I feel like your return is the only good thing that has happened this year. YET.
This is what happens when I don’t open my computer for six months. I miss a post from you! I have the same 2017 Syndrome and it has affected my ability to write. I shouldn’t let someone have that kind of power over me.
Here’s to unclogging metaphorical (and actual, because hey, shit happens) toilets.
I guess I’m glad I’m not the only one who has been in a toilet. It’s hard to climb out – hoping you make it!!