Maybe don’t buy a minivan the same month you turn 40

So far life in the middle ages is going OK. Not the Middle Ages. Just the middle ages. As in, my 40s. My apologies to anyone who was hoping for a summary of life during the Medieval period. 

As the title of this post suggests, I celebrated turning the Big 4-0 by purchasing a minivan. In hindsight perhaps I should have waited a few months. When you are already grappling with the reality that you are Halfway To Death, it would probably be better for your psyche to buy yourself stylish shoes or a saucy jacket vs. a boat on wheels.

But alas it’s too late now. I am officially the proud owner of the most uncool car on the planet, and not surprisingly, I like it. It’s big, but so am I. It has power doors, which I deeply appreciate as a lazy person. It fits a buttload of people, and I have a buttload of friends.

Ok fine, that last part is a lie. I use the extra seats to drive around a buttload of kids who scream too much and leave a trail of crumbs and filth in their wake. But whatever. As my neighbor said, it’s only for a season. Someday these screaming banshees will be able to drive themselves and I can buy a new Mercedes with leather interior, gold-plated hubcaps and a crystal chandelier.

Until then, you will find me tearing around town in my used Dodge Caravan striking fear into the heart of every parent in the school pickup zone when I attempt to parallel park. COMING THROUGH EXCUSE ME PLEASE AM I IN REVERSE? WATCH YOUR TOES OOPS SO SORRY.

It’s not easy being that driver, but somebody has to do it.


11 thoughts on “Maybe don’t buy a minivan the same month you turn 40

  1. You have no idea how much I miss my minivan. Two + years later, I still think about it daily, and how I miss those smooth opening doors, that lovely nav system, and dvd screens that flipped down from the ceiling. I miss the smell of it. Crumbs and all. In fact, my husband agrees that it was really stupid not to ship it over. 😦

  2. I think you should turn this post into one of those commercials that Matthew McConaughey does for Lincoln. I would love to see that video. Don’t forget to use your sexy voice.

  3. Hahahahaha.

    Yeah, maybe some shoes, too.

    I’m torn on the minivan. Having the extra rom takes away my excuse about not being able to take anybody’s kids because I don’t have the room.

    Enjoy your minivan. And 40. And your kicking new hairdo (see cartoon).

    • Not going to lie – in the past week I have been approached by two families asking if I can drive their kids on a regular basis, and I’m pretty sure it’s because they now know I have the room. That is a legitimate risk of minivan ownership.

  4. People who make fun of minivans have never driven one with a buttload of kids. The doctor’s wife types around here have to drive a Suburban or an Escalade. It’s in the handbook, apparently. Ever try to load kids in one of those? It sucks! You can’t get to the backseat to buckle anyone in and they don’t have automatic doors (hello, fellow lazy person).

    Welcome to 40. Your arms are suddenly going to get too short….

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