Today’s lack of a clear or coherent post can be blamed on the fact that I planned to write during my daughter’s nap, and 20 minutes after I put her down, two huge trucks pulled up outside her window and four men started to chop down a tree using the loudest chainsaw and wood chipper ever known to man. Nap Was Over. Mommy Was Angry.
I threw a little stink eye in the direction of those tree-cutters as I watched them out the window. And then I realized that to those strapping young lads, I am one housecoat shy of being that crazy old lady who grimaces and grunts at strangers while I stick my Kleenex up my sleeve and nibble on my toffee-flavored candies. So I smiled and closed the blinds. And then I grumbled and grimaced in private. Harumph.
******Dance music*****Topic change*****
This morning my new BFF mentioned that her son said the F-word at school yesterday. She said he heard it from some of their potty-mouthed childless friends who drop the F-bomb frequently because they are not accustomed to the presence of tender virgin ears (and because they are sinners, clearly). I then echoed her sentiment and threw my token single friend under the bus, noting that she always drops the F-enheimer around my kid (although my child has yet to repeat it).
It occurred to me that this is yet another fabulous reason to make sure you maintain childless friends. You can always blame them when the teacher tells you your kid is swearing in class. There’s no fucking way she heard that word from us.
******Dance Music****Interlude*****
In conclusion, this concludes my award-winning post. Now I need to go and attempt to finish the 7 other things I had planned to do during nap. Maybe I will write a post about those tomorrow because OMG I have to write on the weekends too??? NaBloPoMoNoMoLikey.
Banana Wheels 
Did a spit take at the dance music and scene change bits.
I was at the pool over the summer and these 2 moms were chatting next to me. One of them was kind of a B, and I only say that because when my youngest jumped face first into the water (and I didn’t flinch because I knew she was fine), she stopped everything and looked at me and said, “Uh, is she okay?” ANYWAY, just a few minutes later she was talking to her friend, and her daughter came up and said, “OH FOR CHRIST SAKE!” And the mom gasped and said, “Where did you hear that?!?!” And I was all “You know damn well where she heard it.” In my head.
Fuck, this is funny shit! Did I say that out loud?