The mask of professional parenting

Last week I became the Room Parent for my daughter’s kindergarten class. I also went to my first PTA meeting. WHO AM I.

I seriously feel like I have graduated into some sort of Professional Parenting League. Life these days consists of packing lunches, attending soccer practice and games, taking snacks to school (x2), taking snacks to soccer, recruiting parent volunteers for the classroom, creating spreadsheets to track those volunteers. Sweet mother how I despise spreadsheets. 

Is this what life is now? Snacks and Spreadsheets? Do I need to rename my blog to this? That would be such a tragedy, given the wild success and global brand recognition that Banana Wheels has achieved.

Then again, it’s really only a matter of time until the wheels fall off this banana-fueled operation anyway. I can only pretend to be a Professional for so long before someone comes along and discovers that I am just an Amateur…an Imposter  …a Clueless Child masquerading as a Responsible Adult.

Me and my Mask.

Me and my parenting mask. I don’t actually wear it every day. Just on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And yes, that’s a tiger behind me. Like I said, Responsible Adult.

Case in point: Last Friday I volunteered in my daughter’s class during math. How hard can kindergarten math be anyway? 1 + 2 = 3. BOOM. When I showed up the teacher pulled out a counting game. Oooh. There were baggies full of rocks, gems, shells – and the kids had to count how many items were in each bag.

“But you must have an adult check your work,” explained the teacher to the class. “We will know if you are correct because there is a special clue on each baggie that only adults can read.”

Awesome, I love secret clues!

She held up the first baggie, and loudly asked me and the math tutor, “Can you each read the clue?”

I immediately started to sweat. On the baggie in large black marker it read, “XLVII.”

“Yes,” we replied in unison. One of us was lying.

I haven’t used Roman numerals since NEVER BECAUSE I DO NOT LIVE IN ANCIENT ROME. Sure, I can handle some simple X and V action, but throw in the L’s and C’s and the nonsensical rule that you can put some numerals in front of other numerals to subtract them and THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE THERE IS A REASON HUMANS STOPPED USING IT PLEASE GIVE ME MODERN NUMBERS UNLESS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE SUPER BOWL THANK YOU.

Needless to say, I had to sneak out into the hallway and ask Teacher Google for a quick refresher on that old timey counting system. I was so tired and sweaty after those 15 minutes of math class you would’ve thought I had run a marathon. Next time I want to help out at school, I will just stick to my strengths and volunteer for lunch duty.

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8 thoughts on “The mask of professional parenting

  1. I’m a Roman Numeral dork. You should text me next time.

    Hey. Spreadsheets? Use SignUpGenius.com.

    Also? Crossing this line into professional parenting is what made me want to go back to work full time. The day is 17 hours of bullshit stuff for school. Amirite?

    • I am still new enough to the school b.s. that I still wouldn’t trade it for work b.s. But ask me again in 6 months.

      I am totally going to use signupgenius – You are a genius. Thank you.

      “I’m a Roman Numeral dork” – yet another reason I like you.

  2. Pingback: Disease-free at last | Banana Wheels

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