Conversations to avoid in front of your kids

My daughter is taking a musical theater class and her final performance is this week. They sing two Mary Poppins songs and it will take about five minutes. But you know, it’s still a pretty big damn deal around here.

We were all talking about it in the car yesterday, and I jokingly made a side comment to my husband that we should get her some of those fake teeth that those beauty pageant kids wear.

Me: “We should get her some of those flappers.”

Him: “What?”

Me: “Or is it flippers. Flappers? Flippers.”

Him: “What is that?”

Me: “You know – those things they put on for beauty pageants.”

Him: “Pasties?” he asked, clearly amused with himself.

Me: “WHAT?!!!” *guffaw laughter* “Ohmygod no. Flippers. Fake teeth.”

Him: “A dental dam?”

Me: “WHAAAT?!?! NOOOOOHMYGOD…” laughing too hard I cannot finish speaking before he does the following:

Him: In a muffled voice, as if he has a mouthful of cotton: “Hello. I’m wearing a dental dam.”

Me: Laughing so hard I am crying, in part because I am unsure if he realizes there is a different, R-rated use for a dental dam.

Him: Thinking he is hi-larious, does it again, in the same cotton-mouth voice. “Hello. I’m wearing a dental dam.”

Me: Gasping for breath, “No, honey – stop. Seriously.”

Four-year-old daughter, from the back seat, in the same muffled voice. “Hello. I’m wearing a denda dan.”

Thankfully she didn’t understand the exact words. I changed the subject immediately.

6 thoughts on “Conversations to avoid in front of your kids

  1. I didn’t know there was a non-R-rated purpose for a dental dam. I had to google it. There were dentistry photos. Yeesh. Not that I have ever used one in an R-rated capacity. But hey! Learned something new today 🙂

  2. BWAHAHAHAHA!! OMG! That is hysterical! Thank goodness you changed the subject quickly. You KNOW that will come back out sometime when you least expect it!! –Lisa

Talk to me, Goose

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s