I want you to know that I had grand plans to write a fabulous blog post. But sometimes things don’t go according to plan. That should be the motto of my blog.

So in lieu of thought-provoking words that I cannot seem to get out of my head and into a coherent post, I drew some pictures. Because I promised to keep practicing after my accidental boobie bunny. And because quality be damned, I NEEDED TO POST SOMETHING IN ORDER TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AS A HUMAN.

For the past several nights I have woken up in the morning to find that at some point during the night, I put my arms behind my head like this:

When I wake up, my shoulders and arms are so stiff and numb I can barely move them. So. Much. Pain. Who sleeps like this? Why did I start doing it? Am I trying to look cool and casual in my slumber? Hey guys, don’t mind me – just chillin, dreamin and droolin.

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I am in a state of perpetual loss lately. I lose every pen I touch. And then I tweet about my missing pens because that is riveting and I deserve an award for my tweets.

I also lost my debit card. No clue where it is. But instead of cancelling it, I just keep checking my bank account to see if someone is stealing my money because I am lazy.

I also lost my daughter’s magnifying glass, but then I found it. Phew.

If you see any of these items, please let me know. Especially the gold pen. I stole got it from a client’s office and I really really miss it.

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Last week I saw this man crossing the street at a busy intersection:

He was old with a long Santa-ish beard and matching hair, but he was thin and dressed like an urban hipster/skateboarder (I clearly do not know how to draw this kind of attire). He even walked with a swagger.

I was so intrigued by the odd mix of characteristics that I am STILL thinking about him five days later. Who is this man? Is he someone’s grandpa? Where was he going?

In hindsight I think I just figured out the answer to that last question. Now that marijuana is legal here, there are a ton of pot dispensaries along the street I was on. I’m betting gramps was on his way to buy some doobage.

Honestly I feel so much better now that I have some closure.

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I couldn’t think of anything else to draw but really wanted to do one more, so I drew myself in my current surroundings.

That’s my husband asleep on the couch next to me. Isn’t he cute? Instead of putting his arms behind his head like awesome people do, he crosses them over his stomach like a dead person. He loves to fall asleep on the couch. LOVES.

It looks like I’m wearing sunglasses, but those are just my regular glasses. And I’m watching American Idol while I doodle because I like to torture myself. Actually I really like that contestant Kree. If she gets voted off I’ll stop watching it maybe but probably not.

After seeing how horrible my drawings are, I will go back to using my words. But I can’t lie – I really enjoyed drawing, so I’ll keep practicing that too. You are welcome, America.