Wardrobe malfunction

Most mornings my husband has already left for work by the time I wake up. He starts early, and let’s be honest – lately I’ve been struggling to get my butt out of bed before the kids are up. And when I say “lately,” I mean for the past 8 months. I haven’t used an alarm clock since December. (In my defense, I also haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in 8 months. Thanks, baby.)

But I digress. Point being, I rarely see what he wears to work until the end of the day.

But last night when he came home wearing this, I realized I might need to stage an intervention.

Born to be a fashion model, as you can tell by that totally natural pose.

What on earth?! You can’t even tell where one khaki ends and the other begins! The bland color palette isn’t helped by standing against our beige wall, on our brown carpet. It’s like a lifesize Triscuit. What? I don’t know either.

But seriously, if it weren’t for the faint glimmer of a black belt to break up that monotone, you might think he’s wearing a jumpsuit.

The only reason he allowed me to photograph this fashion atrocity is because even he knew it was bad. The moment he entered the kitchen, he saw my eyes open wide as I looked him up and down. Before I had the chance to say anything he muttered, “I know. This looks terrible, doesn’t it.” On the upside, we shared a good laugh about his cracker outfit (cracker like a Triscuit, not a racial slur).

To be fair, I am no fashionista. My forte, if I have one, is jeans and turtlenecks. I always struggled to find work clothes that felt both comfortable and stylish. I hated collared shirts, loathed most dress shoes, and wanted to set the house on fire the few days I had to wear a business suit.

So I sympathize with the challenge of finding work attire. And it can be even more challenging for men, without the ability to mask a blah outfit by throwing on a cute scarf. (Some men can probably rock a handsome scarf, but my husband is not one of them. His clothing taste is khakis and button ups. Peas and carrots. Vanilla and vanilla.)

Fortunately he welcomes my input, and is open to shaking things up with a shopping spree. But there are a few obstacles, namely a) I am so unplugged from the work clothing scene that I lack insight and inspiration for what may look good, and b) our budget is tiiiight.

Last week one of my former coworkers told me she got loads of compliments on a dress she recently bought at JCPenney. She said their recent makeover led to some cute stuff and it’s all pretty cheap prices. So maybe we’ll try that.

We also have a gift certificate to Men’s Wearhouse. Can’t turn down free, so that’s a must. But every time I go there, I feel like the salesmen are just one breath away from trying to sell me a vacuum or home appliance. But hey – if I leave with a new Swiffer mop, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

However my main concern is finding items that can add a bit more pizzazz, while still being something he would actually wear. I can’t stomach the thought of spending what little cash we have on 4 new sweater vests only to have them gather dust.

If that sweater vest mention doesn’t strike fear in the heart of fashionable readers, it should. Because that is truly the only thing I can think of beyond his usual peas and carrots. Any ideas? Bueller? If not, stay tuned for an update on this unfolding fashion saga.

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4 thoughts on “Wardrobe malfunction

  1. Well . . . I don’t know if this suggestion will be helpful or not, but here goes. My husband’s favorite clothing source is a web site called Gilt. You have to join it, and I’m not sure what that entails other than just giving them your email address, but they then send you a daily email of reduced price fashion fare. To be honest, I do think they have a fair number of sweater vests and scarves, and these prices are reduced from exorbitant to somewhat reasonable, but he seems to find worthy things in there from time to time. I should disclose that on more than one occasion our discussion about his new purchase has centered around whether or not it makes him look too, um, metrosexual, but . . . wait . . . what kind of recommendation is this? Not a very good one, I’m afraid. Good thing I don’t work in advertising.

    • Cool! I checked it out quickly and it looks spiffy. I see they have a category under Mens called “The Basics” so I’ll stick to that safe zone for now. They also have some fun furniture – oh dear. Thank you!!

  2. Oh Amy, poor Dan! I can just imagine what he felt like after the look you gave him! I know this is not a great recommendation, but I can totally relate to your issues. This is lamer than lame, but we find some colored work shirts at Costco and wrinkle free pants, too. I’m probably only adding fuel to the fire with that less than fashionable tidbit, but it might work until you have a chance to go to Nordstrom’s for a real shopping spree. Maybe just a little color would help.

    • How could I forget about Costco!? I saw the men’s clothing last time I was there but my hands were too full of tortilla chips and pretzels to look closely. We’ll definitely check it out. Thanks! And yes I agree – if nothing else, we’ll just make sure we get some color so we don’t have another Triscuit situation.

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